March 2022…Holy crap what a month 🤣, but a necessary month

March is over today and oh my what a doozy it has been. I’ve been feeling such an energy shift and seeing and hearing the same from my clients, friends, and fellow business owners. And all the moms know the masks came off (yay) and my kid, like many others has spent the month of March sick on and off (boo). This month has been such a display of juxtapositions and shifts. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that it’s been 2 solid years since the lockdown kicked off the pandemic.

Or that our worlds are slowly returning to “normal”. But with a twist. Many of us can’t unlearn what these 2 years have taught us. We can only hope that sharing it will help at least 1 person feel less alone. Or take that next step they’ve been waiting on.

Speaking of next steps, I’ve been writing drafts for what would be my first blog post for like 2 and a half years. I know that I’m a good writer and that I have something to say and share with the world. And yet I’ve been struggling with the fact that it hasn’t felt safe to be vulnerable. Once I put this out in the world, I can’t take it back (not true). But maybe I don’t need to “take it back” (true). Maybe I just need to get the shitty first draft done and iterate on it. Because the faster I do that and take action, the faster I can get to the good stuff that my clients, fellow business owners, and potential clients need to hear. So that’s what’s been pulling me this time to know that I’m going to put these posts out here for real this time. The feeling has been different this time than all the other false starts. It’s been a knowing, rather than a thinking, which I realize I spend way to much time on: the thinking rather than the doing. I think I can manage the thoughts leading up to doing “the thing”, but the thoughts afterwards are where I’ve been stuck for months. I’ve felt this way ever since I put up the first iteration of my website back in February of 2020 when I published my VA website. It feels like the second I hit “publish” button, everything changes. Even though I’ve learned that isn’t always true. Just because it’s “out in the world” doesn’t mean people are even seeing it. And it doesn’t mean I can’t edit it and refine it. I know this logically, but the fear feels more true in those moments. But fear is a liar. I forgot I can feel the feel and do it anyway. So welcome.

Speaking of vulnerability, March has been all about vulnerability. But it was one of those months that I didn’t realize the theme until afterwards. Sometimes I know ahead of time what the theme of my month will be. I had decided this February was about Finances. I kicked off the month with a workshop with a friend on Financial Goal Setting and it was a blast. While preparing for it and while doing the workshop live, I realized that I do know my shit even though my inner critic has told me otherwise. I dug into my personal finances and got my documents really for my tax appointment with my accountant. I put my business finance system to the test as I got all my records in order for my first full year in business. Through this process, I realized that after testing this system for about 6 months, I now know it works. Because I had everything I needed, even when I wasn’t sure that I did. I was prepared for our tax appointment and pleasantly surprised with our tax return. That’s the thing about systems, they help you see what is and isn’t working and try different things out, a tweak here, an experiment there. But you already know that I love systems. And sometimes the system is to throw the system(s) out the window and stop overthinking it. Like in March.

I started off March being exhausted, partially because we’ve been minorly renovating the bedrooms in our house (omg yay!) and partially because I’ve been out of a routine since February break (boo!). So this March started off with me telling myself I just had to get through March because things are about to get better. I just had to get through this last sucky part. Spring is coming. It won’t feel like Winter forever. My son’s important doctor’s appointment is coming up this month after waiting for months. My skin and psoriatic arthritis are kicking my ass this winter again and I’m probably going to change up my meds for these. Again. I am having sinus surgery in early April to fix my deviated septum and get rid of some inflamed sinus tissue. (If you know me in real life, you know how much I have struggled with sinus infections and snoring for literal years and that my CPAP machine has been a game changer.) I’ve found ways to make it more bearable in the meantime: nasal sprays, nasal rinses, knowing that prednisone and a 10-day antibiotic are what it takes when a cold comes on that inevitably turns into a sinus infection. And also it’s ok that those aren’t enough anymore. I deserve a better quality of life. So if these important things are coming up in March and April, why am I struggling more than normal? Why is my anxiety through the roof? Why am I so uninterested in food and cooking, two of my favorite things in the entire world? Because burnout was a-knocking (as it does) and I didn’t even realize it.

So March surprised me. It took me down in the best way (because I didn’t see it coming) so I could find my way to build myself back up. The universe had my back and I didn’t even realize it. Even though I truly believe it always does, just couldn’t see it yet. Which was probably the point. I felt like I was screaming at the universe “I know this makes sense in the bigger picture, but omg I’m dying right now and can’t see why this is happening! The image I see is Talylor Swift singing “…stood on the cliffside screaming “give me a reason!”” So that was a little over 2 weeks ago on the 15th, right smack in the middle of the month. I was in it. And I let myself be in it. And all the stuff I was stuck trying to figure out was unraveling itself little by little.

Moguls goal-setting workshop at the beautiful Spirit + Soul Studio. What’s Happyning with Jess time & scheduling workshop. Therapy and some deep trauma processing. Boundaries that I’ve been needing to set. Conversations with my husband, so many conversations. Decisions that have been needing to be made. Ugly full-body crying. My boy Joshua Radin (Joshy if you listen to the Scrubs podcast) concert, the first concert we’ve been to in the city without wearing masks and things feeling a little bit more “normal”. A part-time job interview and acceptance and a knowing that this is the right part-time job for me and my family. Making the most money I’ve ever made Coaching through my contract job. That this mix of contract job, flexible part-time job, and building my Coaching business are enough for right now. Maybe having 3 flexible jobs is exactly what I need right now. Maybe things are actually working, even though I’ve been feeling like they haven’t been. Maybe everything really is fine or at least fine enough for right now. If you read this far, thank you so much for following along! I’m sure looking forward to an exciting Quarter 2!

What about you? Was your March chaotic like mine? Are you happy to be moving on to Quarter 2? Or do you love Quarter 1?